Thursday, December 30, 2010

Back from Dark Waters (and about to dive back again)

It has been a while since my last post (or, more accurately, finishing my last post that was there 2 months ago). School has held me up, with a second round of midterms and scarcely 3 weeks or so later, finals. All of which pretty much pushed me past what I perceived as my limit. 
As impossibly difficult as I make it sound, I did not get the worst end, although I definitely did not get the easiest either. At least it is over. For now. 


After I put my pencil down for the last final, I should feel intense relief, intense relaxation of my too tight muscles, intense inclination to scream to the Heavens, "HALLELUJAH~~!!!" But I didn't. I just felt intensely hungry. After I left the exam room, all I could think was what and where I would eat. My gluttony... one day I just know it'll get the better of me and drive me fat. 
And I felt tired. Exhausted. I just wanted to sleep and catch up on all my lost sleep. So I slept, from 3  to 5. I felt miserable for whatever reason when I woke, perhaps because the room looked so desolately dark and I happen to strongly dislike the color blue, which was just what my room was filled with. A deep, dark, sickly color blue. If I hadn't gone for sushi that night with family, I would've continued being miserable. The bright colors in the sushi parlor, the abundance of good food and the lovely warmness of being with family saved my life. 


But to know that I have to go through that AGAIN and AGAIN for the next 4 years? Or more? And to know that even if I try hard, I might not get what I want, that is, the Dietetics program, is a horrible feeling. I feel sick in the stomach, 5 days left until I am sent back to school... I feel like I'm counting the days to an execution... (that's very exaggerated I can imagine, since I can't even imagine the horrible feeling of counting down the days that you have to live). 

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